The Doll That Can Visit Your Dreams and Stop Your Heart

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The Shadow Doll

Cristal M Clark 

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Most of you know about Ed and Lorraine Warren, they are well known for investigating hauntings, demonic or evil hauntings if you will. Likewise, most of you also know about Annabelle. Not a soul really knows how or why the doll was created, but the doll is has been the subject of countless articles and stories, the main character in movies, and she is kept under lock and key at The Warrens Occult Museum.

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Another terrifying find at the museum is The Shadow Doll. 

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That’s right turns out Ed and Lorraine have quite a collection of demon dolls.  

The name is isn’t super scary but the doll looks terrifying and the story behind the doll is even more terrifying. 

It is rumored that if a picture were to be taken of the doll, it would project itself into the dreams of the person who dared to look it in the eye. The dream would be so intensely nightmarish that the victims would either suffer from a heart attack or forever be frightened of sleep because of the horrifying looking doll. 

The shadow doll was found in an antique shop, a couple liked the doll and purchased it. After the purchase, the couple began to encounter the eeriest of nightmares. They later found out that they were experiencing the same nightmares of the cursed doll, and that the husband had scratches all over his back and neck, which could only be traced back to the shadow doll.

It is rumored that the doll is responsible for a few deaths but no details are given.  

The Warren’s files do not state why this doll was created however, the files state that it was used in satanic rituals, and it was created by black magic using human and animal bones.

What you find in the museum is the doll staring blankly with it’s gaping mouth open and ready to devour your very soul. 

Cristal M Clark

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Mourners Served Hash Cake at Funeral?

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Northern Germany

Cristal M Clark 

I’m fairly certain everyone thought this was going to be a story hailing from a funeral in Colorado but as luck would have it, it’s not. 

Going out for coffee and cake happens to be a German tradition after a funeral, usually hash cake is not part of the tradition.  

Apparently, back  in August, local police in northern Germany reported that 13 funeral-goers at a restaurant in Wiethagen experienced “nausea and dizziness” i.e. being buzzed, after eating some fresh hash cake after a funeral.

Edibles by the way, do tend to be more potent as opposed to smoking weed. 

After a quick investigation found a restaurant employee’s daughter had been asked to bake the cake.

But the 18-year-old had also baked a “hash cake” for a separate occasion, and the mother took the wrong dessert to work.

That’ll be the last time this girls parents ask her to bake a cake for just about any occasion not to mention that now the young lady in question is also under investigation by the police.

So remember folks, while it’s all fun and games eating edibles with your friends, it’s just never a good idea to serve hash cake at a funeral, some of the older generations just can’t handle it. 

Cristal M Clark

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Hacking High Tech Cars 

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Hackers Infiltrating Cars Since 2010

Cristal M Clark 

If you are anything like me, you love new tech, especially if we can access it hands free in our motorized transports. Let’s face it, technology makes our everyday lives easier. A new standard for new cars is to develop them and sell them full of modern technology which comes with a lot of risk because it actually gives cybercriminals endless ways to access the vehicle and take over your car.

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Cybersecurity firm IntSights recently released,Under The Hood: Cybercriminals Exploit Automotive Industry’s Software Features, which just so happens to be a study on how hackers are managing to get into cars and do a decent amount of damage.

What’s worse is that they have been doing just that since roughly 2010.

The report states; “The pressure to deliver products as fast as possible puts a big strain on vehicle security capabilities, manufacturing facilities, and automotive data. Industry leaders have since come to understand that cybercrime threats to cars were not as far-fetched as originally thought.”

That’s right, apparently originally no one actually took the threat as seriously as they should have. You see back in the day, cars were considered way, way, waaaay too difficult to hack into and not worth the amount of time and energy required. 

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Welcome to 2019, where people are struggling worldwide, where you get paid more to break laws, as cars have added things like Wi-Fi, GPS, and other features, the amount of ways to attack have increased. The average car now includes thousands of pieces of hardware as well as millions of lines of code, giving cybercriminals ample opportunity to test their methods.

“IntSights discovered easy-fo-find online shops that sell car hacking tools on the clear web. These online shops sell services that disconnect automobile immobilizers, as well as services that sell code grabbers and forums that give bad actors a complete tutorial on how to steal vehicles.” 

And some of you think puffer laws are here to protect us, these days you don’t even need to leave your car running unattended for it to be stolen, all thanks to modern technology.

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The IntSights report also pointed out that most car hacking tools can in fact, be found on websites or forums like Omerta.cc, Sindikat, Nulled.to, Carmasters.org, Autoteamsforums.ru, ffffff.ru, and Dublikat, which provide a wealth of information, tools, code grabbers, and tutorials. There are also a bevy of Russian sites offering help like forum.grabbs.org, Migalki.pw, and Chipadla.ru. IntSights went onto say that the most popular method involves attacking a car’s CAN protocol, which can give a hacker full access to all of the vehicle’s functions.

“The biggest challenge for hackers attempting to exploit remote access points is the required proximity to do so. Attacking a moving car can be near impossible if the hacker needs to physically connect to it. However, there are ways to bypass this problem: Attacking a car via a cellular network, breaking into its Wi-Fi access points, or breaking in via the manufacturer’s backend system, to which many modern cars are connected.”

Hackers could gain access through car companies too, because those companies now communicate with vehicles through applications that send information to them. If there is a breach of the car company’s servers, like we see in the news for pretty much any company these days, a cybercriminal could easily access the information shared between the company servers and the vehicle’s brain. 

Hackers have also been able to load malware onto a car owner’s phone, through phishing campaigns or fake apps, and infect vehicles that way. Cybercriminals have even had success manipulating cellular networks through built in SIM cards, which car companies use to extract real-time information and update firmware. 

If you think that is bad, think again because cybercriminals have also been able to attack a car’s Remote Keyless System, which allows owners to open and start their vehicle without a key. The key fob technology used for this system is decades old and is considered tough to crack, but a new generation of code grabbers has allowed car thieves to either outright mimic the signals or intercept them. 

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While all of this seems like an unimaginable nightmare, I can assure you that it is not. Like it or not, if you are connected with your car, refrigerator, coffee maker, security system, pretty much anything these days, you are at risk of being hacked. 

Cristal M Clark

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Real Life Zombies 

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The Serpent and the Rainbow

Cristal M Clark 

One of my all time favorite horror classics is Wes Craven’s The Serpent and the Rainbow, it’s a perplexing take on an age old magic some say is dark, some say is not. Voodoo is more often than not associated with the art of dark magic, however it is a highly misunderstood religion by the masses and, technically speaking the true origins of the Voodoo are debatable and unknown to most everyone except for maybe those that practice the art. 

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The movie the Serpent and the Rainbow starring Bill Pullman was in fact inspired by true events. In 1985, the American graduate student Wade Davis published a book with an extremely long title: “The Serpent and the Rainbow: A Harvard Scientist’s Astonishing Journey into the Secret Societies of Haitian Voodoo, Zombies, and Magic.”

Wade Davis claimed that he had discovered that secret Haitian societies used tetrodotoxin, a toxin found in puffer fish, to trick people into thinking they’d died and come back to life as zombies from Haitian folklore. Yet many other scientists denounced Davis’ claim as bunk. Tetrodotoxin expert C.Y. Kao, called it “a carefully planned, premeditated case of scientific fraud.”

Wade Davis’ real journey through Haiti introduced him to a type of black magic priest called a bucor. These bucors are said to possess the unique power of bringing the dead back as zombie slaves.

Wade Davis through his journey discovered Clairvius Narcisse, a supposedly real zombie, who had been feeling under the weather. Clairvius checked into a local hospital where upon arrival, Clairvius began experiencing a host of ailments including a fever, trouble breathing, and what he claimed were bugs crawling all over his skin. It wasn’t too long after that doctors pronounced him dead.

Clairvius was buried a few days later and everyone would have thought that to be the end of the story, until one sunny day in 1981 when Angelina Narcisse, Clairvius’ sister, saw him walking down the street looking very much alive and almost he same as he looked back in 1962, with the exception of the zombie like glow, not to mention that two American doctors had declared him dead back in 1962.

Yes 1962.

It is believed that a bucor can place an individual into a trance that can fool doctors into believing that they are dead. Once buried, the bucor dug up the body and sell them to as zombie slave labor.

Wade Davis believed this is precisely what happened to Clairvius.

Through his research, Wade believed that Clairvius was given tetrodotoxin powder through an abrasion on his skin. This powerful toxin from the pufferfish would have sent Clairvius into a comatose state which would have fooled doctors into believing he was dead.

In addition to the pufferfish toxin, Wade also found that Datura, a powerful hallucinogen (along with ground up human bone), were also common ingredients in zombie powder. Wade concluded that tetrodotoxin was key in causing a victim’s initial death, but it was Datura which produced the amnesia and delirium which maintained them as zombies for decades.

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Whether or not you are a believer, it’s hard to argue the real life tale of Clairvius Narcisse, a man who died in 1962 who was discovered walking around his village in 1981 after hardly aging in the least. 

Cristal M Clark

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Law Enforcement Says Goodbye To Using DNA Website to Crack Cold Cases

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DNA Website Rules are Changing

Cristal M Clark 

It’s all the rage, these genealogy websites helping millions of people learn just where their people actually came from, you might have grown up thinking you were for instance Irish only to learn that you are French. 

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One well known website also allowed for law enforcement to use the DNA users submitted to help crack cold cases. Back in 2018 California authorities revealed that police had submitted DNA from a crime scene into a consumer DNA database, where information about distant relatives helped them identify the Golden State Killer a man who had eluded law enforcement for decades.  

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At the time everyone collectively wondered, if that was even legal.

That put GEDmatch, a free website where people share their DNA profiles in hopes of finding relatives at the center of an argument as to whether or not using this DNA tactic for solving cold cases was legal. 

The good news is that using this tactic it helped law enforcement solve over 50 cold cases involving murder and/or rapes. 

Now as the smoke has cleared and everyone has their footing on solid ground, the rules of engagement are about to change. 

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The online database changed its privacy policy and now it is set to restrict law enforcement searches, and since then, these cold cases have become much harder to crack. The change is allowing some criminals who could be identified and caught to remain undetected and unpunished, authorities say.

GEDmatch, had faced criticism for allowing police to search profiles without users’ permission, and decided that it would rather make sure members understood explicitly how investigators were using the site. So, it altered its terms of service to automatically exclude all members from law enforcement searches and left it to them to opt in.

Overnight, the number of profiles available to law enforcement dropped from more than 1 million to zero. If people click a police-shield icon on GEDmatch it will then allow authorities to see their profile, either way, this leaves cases more difficult to solve.

After entering a suspect’s DNA profile into the site, the results are reviewed, experts assess the likelihood of law enforcement being able to determine the suspect’s identity using what is called genetic genealogy. 

Now law enforcement and researchers are trying to  convince the public to take action. These groups hope to persuade more Americans to obtain their DNA profiles from direct-to-consumer genetic testing companies and share them publicly, including with law enforcement, on databases like GEDmatch. One direct-to-consumer company, FamilyTreeDNA, allows law enforcement to search its database, but charges for it and limits results.

Some people are worried that their DNA profiles will be hacked or used against their wishes, whether in the pursuit of a criminal or in the sale of data to health care companies. There are also concerns that DNA sharing will lead to the end of anonymity.

Which is understandable, but also perplexing if the same individuals who are claiming to be worried now have already submitted DNA to these sites. Additionally, these sites should never share any DNA with health care companies, at least not until things change in the US and health care is not a profitable business anymore and changes to be just health care. 

What truly surprises me is that these DNA databases can be hacked at any moment and people are cool with sharing their DNA on them anyway,  until law enforcement has access to them, then we question the legality of law enforcement. 

As for law enforcement, this change will only slow them a little, they will still be working to solve every cold case that they have. 

Cristal M Clark

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Googles Newest Update Pisses Cops Off 

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Google Maps – New and Improved 

Cristal M Clark 

Good news for all those blatant speeders, Google is finally rolling out the ability to report speed traps, crashes and slowdowns in real time to its Maps iOS app, making the new feature available to roughly 1 billion existing users worldwide. 

For those that didn’t know this, that feature was already available on Android phones, as well as on Waze, which by the way is another Google Map app.

Some media outlets are reporting this could potentially upset law enforcement but I am unclear as to why exactly, they accomplish virtually what we assume they wanted in the first place, to slow drivers down in certain areas? 

The New York Police Department wrote in a letter a while back that “Revealing the location of checkpoints puts those drivers, their passengers, and the general public at risk,” which was in response to users reporting DUI checkpoints. 

Pretty much all of the tech giants tend to align themselves with what users want not what law enforcement wants, they offer things to users that hamper the efforts of law enforcement in some cases and that sometimes do in fact put the lives of others in danger. 

Google argues that that safety is “a top priority” and that reporting features can be beneficial to public safety. “We believe that informing drivers about upcoming speed traps allows them to be more careful and make safer decisions when they’re on the road.”

People do tend to slow down if they know about an upcoming speed trap, no one wants a speeding ticket, but then again people also tend to avoid DUI checkpoints when they are gleefully drinking and driving and if Google Maps shows them where the checkpoints are, that is not really a good thing. That does put the lives of others in danger not to mention the life of the driver who chooses to drink and drive. 

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The question with technology is when does it cross the line from helping society by making life easier,  if the tech giants truly care about safety, to blatant aiding and abetting in a crime?  

Cristal M Clark

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Denver Traffic Nightmare About To Get Worse 

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Denver, Colorado-Texting and Driving Through The Mile High City

Cristal M Clark 

I know everyone thinks our issues with driving in Denver are those getting high, actually that is just a small fraction of our issues. 

Did anyone catch the news reports last week stating that by 2040 Denver traffic will have increased over 40%? The news is leaving the Mile High city scrambling looking for ways to help relieve our already terrible congestion. 

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Overall, because the population has grown, so has traffic, that’s a given, what amazes me are the rude, inconsiderate, aggressive drivers, the individuals who are playing about on their cell instead of bloody well driving down the road, then we have the bicyclists who blow through stop signs and lights, cyclists and motorcyclists who ride in between cars in traffic(which by the way is technically not legal in Colorado), skateboarders doing the same thing down both Colfax and Broadway, now we have scooters doing the same thing, pedestrians who refrain from utilizing the crosswalk and who just pop out in front of you and RTD. 

Yes RTD. Who in the hell decided it would be smart to allow for RTD to pick up and drop off passengers right after the stop light thus holding up traffic (these stops need to be before the traffic light), not to mention RTD is out on roads like Alameda, Federal, parts of Sheridan where the lanes are already so narrow not all cars, trucks or trailers can even fit into a single lane, and here’s RTD. 

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The reality is that this is all a normal day in just about every Americans life who drives to and from work in and out of any major city. Today while I was driving home, I noticed the woman in front of me was playing about on her cell, she would fail to move at every single green light, then would snap her head up and gun it. We all know what’s going on when we see the individual in traffic whose head is pointed at their lap. We are rolling along up this bridge in Stapleton/Northfield when I notice the traffic in front of her is, for lack of better words, not moving. I slow down noticing that she is not slowing down. As you might have guessed, she did ass end the gentleman in front of her. Idiot. She was too busy texting on her phone. 

Nothing and I mean nothing is that important that you should be texting and driving, what’s more is that with hands-free your Google Assistant or Siri will read and respond to those super important texts, emails and dial a number for you should you need to call someone. 

The rest of the way home I made it a point to look around and count how many people were fucking about on their cell phones instead of paying attention. I counted 55 individuals driving through the city of Denver, right through the city, playing on their phone. Every stop light, coming up to every light, moving forward after the light changed. It was truly both amazing and sickening. 

When you think about all of the other variables I listed above, pedestrians, bicyclists, motorcyclists, aggressive drivers, why would anyone text and drive? 

All of the individuals I saw tonight are all adults, you know the same people who complain about those careless teen/irresponsible younger drivers? The adults who tell these younger individuals that they cannot text and drive? The adults who will pay for an app to put on their child’s cell that prevent that child from texting and driving? 

Is that not truly disgusting? Not one of the people I counted on the way home was a teenager or individual who was over 21. IT was all older working adults, 30 and over for the most part. Some of the younger individuals I saw driving where just careless, rude or inconsiderate.

I would wager a bet, if the police had the ability to watch for every driver texting and driving they could net 3x’s as many offenders to that of drunk drivers. 

That leads to one fact and that is distracted driving causes more headache and accidents than we realize. Why pay some app developers to stop our kids from texting and driving when the problem seems to be the adults failing to practice what they preach?

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Why don’t Apple and Android make a fix that will not allow you to disable bluetooth when you are in any car and blocks all texts and emails for instance you see nothing until you get to your destination and turn the car off. Yes I am talking about a dick move here, all phones automatically pair with all car bluetooth even if you don’t own the car and you do not have the ability or option to shut that off, that way you can’t drive your friends or rental car into a crowd, someone’s home or the back of another person’s motorized transport. 

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They could create it so you have 5 minutes once it pairs with the car to get your music going, get your map set and then that’s it. If you need to know about your text or email, you tell Google Assistant or Siri to read it to you, you can verbally respond and that’s all you get. 

We clearly as a society cannot seem to follow the rules, be safe when we drive, we cannot decide on our own not to text and drive, so Android and Apple should take our ability to endanger the lives of others away. 

Having this technology is not a right, someone created it and now we are abusing it. By taking away our ability to hold our phone and physically text and drive rather than verbally it would help some of our traffic woes and it would force people to learn how to use our voice assistants. Even maps now do not need us to really type things in, we can tell Waze, Google and Apple what we are trying to find and our voice assisted apps will guide us to that destination.  

Yes before anyone points this out, this an aggressive and bold suggestion, the reality is, society is not willing to change its behavior, so we need a solution that will make our roads somewhat safer by removing a distraction that is abused every minute of every day. 

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Or we can keep this up and insurance companies can just sue Apple and Android for not opting to disable our ability to surf the web, play Pokemon, text, read emails all while we drive…I mean shouldn’t Apple and Android be forcing us to use our voice assistants when we drive?

It’s a lot like when a bar continues to serve someone who shouldn’t be served, these companies know society is abusing certain elements of their software, it still does not excuse them from being held accountable negligence is not at least last time I checked an excuse to ignore the problem. 

Cristal M Clark

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Uber Happy to Be Your Getaway Car

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Woman Steals from Gas Station – Uses Ride Share as Getaway Car

Cristal M Clark 

If your the type and I hope that you are not, but if you are the type of individual who likes to shoplift, you should refrain from attempting to utilize Uber and/or Lyft as your getaway vehicle. 

Turns out, that is not the greatest of ideas. 

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Back in July, 24-year-old Kate Bailey Francis Lamothe decided she really, really, really wanted to vape, but running low on cash, she opted to steal a Juul vape device from an Exxon gas station in Pinellas Park, Florida. 

Kate did not drive herself to the gas station of course, so how does one get away quickly after stealing without any wheels of your own? That’s right, use an Uber or Lyft as your getaway vehicle, which is just what Kate did. 

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According to court records, Kate ran out of the gas station after being handed the Juul device by a store clerk where she initially attempted to have her Lyft driver leave the location but he refused to drive off, so Kate had to resort to plan B and then called an Uber and tried to use it to leave the scene.

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Officials said she was detained in a nearby parking lot inside the Uber she hailed. She was charged with retail theft and admitted to the suspected crime after being read her rights, deputies noted.

Deputies also noted that Kate had an open warrant for domestic assault out of Tennessee at the time of her arrest in Pinellas County. A court appearance on that charge is listed for 2020.

Kate has taken a plea and agreed to pay $350 in fines and court costs.

Sadly, no one knows if Kate has learned her lesson here but it is good to know that while Lyft drivers will not allow you to use them as a getaway driver, Uber however will gladly assist you in the event you need a getaway driver. 

Cristal M Clark

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Domestic Violence Hits Home

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October – National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Cristal M Clark

On Monday night I wrote an article and mentioned in it that I was currently dealing with a stalker type of situation. From that I received an overwhelming number of emails from individuals worldwide who are experiencing the same type of situation. For most the situation is stemming from a relationship that never made it to the one-year mark, shockingly many more are stemming from a relationship that never made it past the 2-6-month mark.

Two very clear messages jumped out at me as I spent last night reading each email that had been sent, 1. Everyone who had written to me feels helpless, 2. Everyone stated that the police were doing nothing to help them. 

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month, and this type of behavior is technically classified as a form of domestic violence. 

Sadly, it’s also a form of DV that is difficult to prosecute without having established a pattern of behavior. It’s really difficult for victims to figure out when unwanted contact turns into criminal contact when no physical violence has taken place and no threats are being made. 

Police get these types of calls all of the time, “the person I dated for just a short time is stalking/harassing me.” When it turns out they called three times wanting a second chance. 

Since it’s National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I received so many messages from people going through the same thing I am currently going through, I thought I would put together some helpful tips, share tools and share my own personal story of what I am currently going through and let you know how I handle it, in the hopes that it helps many of you who wrote to me the last two days sharing the same stories asking for help.  

When you break it off with someone and you feel that they are stepping over that line from healthy just wanting a second chance to not letting go, becoming obsessive, harassing you, stalking you or staking out known places you go in the hopes of running into you, calling your friends or family trying to locate you, it’s important that you be your own hero and help the police and DA’s to establish a pattern of behavior. 

Keep a level head, one young man who wrote to me was stalking his ex who was stalking him in the hopes of catching her drinking and driving, using illegal drugs. I cannot stress this enough, refrain from doing that, not only could that potentially be dangerous for you, it can also be considered criminal behavior just from the stalking aspect.

Keep a level head no matter how worried, scared, nervous, afraid, or upset you are, even if you feel angry, keep a level head and stay calm. Trust me if your ex lover is that obsessed they will dig themselves a grave in due time. And sometimes it takes time and effort to establish a pattern of behavior. 

Help yourself and start to establish a pattern of behavior. 

A few things about that. 

Making this even more difficult is that one of the first things anyone is told is to block your ex lover on your phone and on all social media so that he/she cannot call/contact you. Hands down that is the worst advice. Case in point, mine. I blocked a man I dated for 2 months, of that 2 months I spent month 2, attempting to break things off with him. I ended up blocking him on my phone only to learn a couple of days ago that by doing that, my phone company has no record of his incoming calls or text messages unless he leaves a voicemail, on an iPhone voicemails still come over as blocked messages but my phone company phone records still have no record of those calls. 

Thankfully,  on an iPhone with the latest update, you can block all unknown numbers from ringing on your phone but they will show up as missed calls, and voicemails show up as just regular voicemails. Blocking someone is not always ideal on your phone because it makes it difficult to establish a pattern of behavior for police unless the person is leaving voicemails. 

The other part of that, if you block someone and they start to escalate in terms of asking for a second chance, to asking you to call to threats, through text message which seems to be a popular way of communicating, you are not going to see those messages and I don’t know about any of you here, I don’t like being blindsided. 

Most phones will give you an option to send some numbers directly to voicemail without having to block the individual, and as frustrating and unnerving as it might feel to keep seeing countless texts come through, I would ignore them after my own experience and just let them continue to come in. 

Be aware of all of your surroundings, home, work, even in the most populated area such as the grocery store, shopping center, coffee shop. I broke things off back in the middle of August with the person I had been seeing, the next weekend I spotted him in the parking lot of the grocery store I normally go to just sitting watching the area I normally park my motorized transport in. Initially when I broke it off with him, I had a feeling given his messages, the fact that he is mentally unwell and he medicates that with very heavy substance abuse that I was going to have some issues with him. All of those reasons by the way are what led me to end things so quickly.  

Anyway, I had purposely parked my vehicle closer to this salon in the area and hiked in, using a different door and ensuring that if he did spot me, I was in the most populated part of the entire area. He did not spot me thankfully, I jotted down the date time and location and decided I would do my shopping elsewhere and on a different day of the week moving forward. 

The weekend after that, he was sitting in the parking lot to the Starbucks I frequent on the weekends. I kept driving and he did not see me drive past, so, I now frequent a different Starbucks. 

I get my fuel at a different gas station, shop at a different Super Target. 

These things are not convenient in the least, but to keep myself safe, they are a must. When we date even briefly someone who is mentally unwell and who self medicates with substance abuse we never know if they will at some point completely lose it, when they might do that or what might happen if they become upset and frustrated by us refusing to speak to them, running away etc. I’ll get to that later here because last Friday things could have ended pretty badly. 

No matter how humiliated you feel, tell everyone you know what is going on, especially mutual friends and acquaintances, get the word out. The guy I had been seeing was calling my friends about three weeks ago trying to find out where I work. No one told him of course and naturally I was pretty unsettled about it. The last person this guy should have asked was my best friend and turns out that was the first person he asked. Not the smartest move. 

I have that documented. I was able to learn from multiple friends after that he has indeed been trying to track me down on a weekly basis, several times a week. When all this started back in August, I decided to lay low hoping it would eventually resolve itself. 

I noticed him driving up my street a few times early in the morning, I have the sounds of most of the vehicles on my street memorized, so at around 5:30-6:30 I’d hear a different sounding vehicle I would look out and it was him. 

Sadly, that makes me want to move sooner rather than later. Which is easier said than actually done. 

I thought by ignoring him it would stop eventually. It hasn’t. 

Weekly I have been receiving text messages to the number I use for this website from this man. I delete them and never responded to any of them, with the exception of twice. Sometimes multiple times a week I get a message.

The first time I responded, it was after a slew of rather ugly messages one night right after I ended things, they were directed at me, wild accusations. They started with him playing the part of the heart broken victim, attempting to manipulate me into texting feeling sorry for breaking things off, when I ignored them, he took it up a notch to accusing me of being with someone because it was a Saturday night, I couldn’t possibly be home alone (I was), then he became angry and said some ugly, terrible things to me. I responded just once, stating pretty clearly that if he continued to contact me that I would call the police and that I would file charges. I choose my words carefully which I will explain later.

He backed off for a while. 

The messages still came though, once or twice a week to my website phone number, no ugliness but looking for info nonetheless, like what was I up to, with whom, pretending to be happy that my college football team won. Even though I found the messages annoying and I deleted them, I noted times, dates and what was said in them and refused to respond to them. 

I kept ignoring them, then suddenly last week starting on Thursday he began calling my cell and leaving me voicemails. First saying he just wanted to talk. I did not call back but I saved the message. 

Last Friday, the first time in over a month, my best friend insisted that I go out and stop hiding letting this guy dictate my ability to just enjoy life and time with my friends. I decided to go. My friends and I were not out to get drunk, we just wanted to enjoy our time off from work and catch up. None of us drink and drive we hail ride shares so I thought I’d be safe meeting up with my crew. The guy I was seeing enjoys drinking and driving and usually does it before 7pm, I wasn’t going to be out until after 7 so that further instilled the idea that all would be well.

After a short time, two women I know well walk in and sit next to all of us. They started to share their stories with me about the man I had briefly dated. Turns out, he has a long and documented history of harassing and stalking women. These women came out that night to show me some support after learning that I had been hiding, worried about what this guy may or may not be capable of. I also learnt that his behavior is in fact, escalating from what he had put them through. One of these women expressed that while she has never obtained an order of protection, she knows some officers at Denver PD and they are aware of this man’s behavior and look out for while on duty. 

Learning all of this is powerful, not only does it establish a history prior to mine, it also shows that he does this in an attempt to try to control and manipulate women, victimizing them. Me being me, well I am pretty stubborn and sort of already saw that already,  I just needed it validated. 

We are just chatting when suddenly, past his bedtime, who should walk drunkenly in the door. He sat a few seats down from me, my best friend leaned over and told me not to worry about it, the establishment already knew about the situation. They were ready to ask him to leave when we gave them the signal. None of us acknowledge him and continued our conversation about other things. You could feel him becoming angry. A member of the staff asked him to move to the other side of the bar, he complied but watched all of us becoming visibly more angry, loudly tapping the bar, fidgeting, drinking in gulps not sips. My best friend got up to use the restroom and this guy took the opportunity. He got within two inches of my face, I took exception. He yelled at me, again I took exception and started to reach for my bag after telling him to get the fuck away from me and leave me alone, he yelled “or what”, I said I’ll have you kicked out, he got in my fact again and that was it. 

Two things to know here are that one, if I had thought it through we should have called the police because this guy drove to the bar, he was completely drunk, stumbling, slurring his words and he would have been taken in the second he pulled away from the bar because either way I was not drunk they were not kicking me out, second, since learning he had been trying to find out where I work, I have been carrying a weapon in my bag. I was reaching for that weapon at the very moment my best friend was walking out of the bathroom.  

I will let all of you know, I was ready to use that in those moments because for the first time in years I actually felt threatened by another individual. I felt he was willing to cause me harm, he was that drunk and angry. My best friend showed up just in time and pulled the guy away and proceeded to ask him to leave the establishment before things get ugly. He complied, my best friend is a big guy who many don’t really like to mess with. 

He handled the situation rather beautifully. We all know why I ended things but this guy isn’t getting it, he continued to play the victim, he kept saying “I didn’t do anything, I want to know what I have done.” Michael, my BFF kept responding with “John, it doesn’t matter, she has it in her head you did something so now you need to leave her alone, it would be best if you just leave.” You can’t reason with these types of individuals, you have to reason with them enough to get them to go away sometimes. I do not need to prove shit to this guy at this juncture, his behavior says it all. 

I informed this guy clearly why I did not want to pursue a relationship with him. His behavior is classic textbook, he will play the victim, pretending nothing is wrong with him or imply he doesn’t recall being told. 

People who do this to us all want a long drawn out explanation, that is a ploy they use in the hopes to manipulate us back to allowing them to be a part of our lives. 

The best thing you can do is not get drawn into that, you owe no one an explanation past, you don’t feel the relationship can move forward. It’s not like it was a 25 year marriage. 

That being that when everyone’s night ended I made sure to ask my driver to wait to leave until I was in my home, explaining my situation. Most Lyft drivers are happy to do that for riders, I got home safe and sound and for the first time in over two months, actually slept the entire night until morning. 

The next day, things were quiet, except that he drove down my street early in the morning.  I expected a slew of calls from this guy, he did not call. 

Now, I have witnesses to his behavior, several of them. I again note time, date, names of witnesses and detailed what transpired the night before. 

Saturday I thought finally, he got the hint, for the first time since I ended things he has not tried to contact me and got it. 

I was wrong. 

The calls started coming in on Sunday, he was using his roommates phone though. Show of hands, who in the hell answers the phone from a caller you don’t know? Yeah me neither. 

I looked up the number up and learnt who the owner was, his roommate I am sure does not know he used his phone to call me. 

Here I could choose to call his roommate and show him the call details and enlist his help. The reality is this, if I call the police they are not going to lay in wait at the bar for this guy, that is absurd unless the guy is at the bar intent on driving home right? No they will arrest him at his home, a home he rents a room in, he does not own the place.
So I could call his roommate and trust me I keep thinking about it. But I know that guy, he’s a mutual friend, he’ll toss him out the door straight away, no questions asked.
If he does that, it could potentially cause this guy to snap and come after me, he knows where I live.
I will table this idea and utilize it as a last resort.

Monday, I got back to back to back voicemails, all odd, sounded like he was whimpering, he would say things like, “welp,” then this odd whimpering, 3 to 5 second voicemails. The guy has an iPhone, you don’t arse dial on those so So, I know it was not a mistake. 

At this, because I want him to lose my cell number, I attempt to direct the calls and texts back to my website number. 

I send out a text message that makes it abundantly clear again, that he is to stop attempting to call me, find me, approach me, it’s over, we are not friends, I want no further contact with him and he needs to stop, only this time I end it with, if you continue, I will call the police and “they” will file charges for harassment and stalking. 

Earlier when I initially stated that I had asked him to stop trying to contact me, right after I ended things, I informed him that if he continued, I would call the police and that “I” would file charges. That translates to something like an empty threat, we both know that early on I probably do not have enough to warrant criminal charges. 

When you tell someone that you are going to call the police and that the police will file charges you are sending a message to that individual that you are confident you have enough proof to establish criminal behavior. 

Now if he were truly mentally insane, he would proceed with contact, even temporary insanity. I know this one firsthand, when someone is truly suffering some mental trauma that could be considered insanity, they do not have a magic shut off they do not truly understand the line between unwanted contact and criminal. 

Individuals like many of us are currently dealing with tend to know when to back off then carefully try to venture back in. They want it to look like you or I are overreacting, like we are having mental issues. 

In my case because I shared what was going on with so many of our mutual friends, it enabled word to travel around to two other people who have been dealing with this guy, dealing with the same situation. 

Him walking in and seeing all of us sitting together had to have freaked him out because at that moment he most likely realized we had shared war stories. 

So what happens now? 

I don’t know, since my last message he has not attempted contact but he is a drunk in that he generally drinks 8 or more beers a day, gets up still drunk and goes to work, he may snap at some point or he may decide finally that it’s not worth it. That I am not worth him going to jail for, which isn’t such a bad thing. 

I have been documenting, choosing my timing when I respond, how I respond, when I respond I have a reason for why I did that, I decide what I say so as to maintain control over my own well being and the situation to the best of my ability. The police would need to know after all that I am not antagonizing or exacerbating the situation. 

Above all I continue when I choose to respond to let this individual know, we are over the contact is unwanted. 

On the subject of getting a weapon. 

Every cop I have ever spoken to has told me that if you feel that someone could potentially cause harm to you, that you should consider getting a weapon for your own protection. Response times of police can very and you need to think about protecting yourself. 

Normally, I would balk at the idea but with this guy I took some time to think it over. I did not come to the decision easily or lightly. I opted not to get a gun, my granddaughters dig through my purse, I am good with hand to hand combat and went for something that allows for up close and personal damage. 

I practice using it every day, I have for years anyway but not consistently until more recently.

Do what you need to do in order to feel safe. If you do not want to get a weapon, have another plan so as to save yourself. I live in Colorado, sometimes in the winter the police simply cannot get to me fast enough when I need them. Those are facts. 

Document, document and document some more. Everything. Be aware enough to notice the tiniest of things out of order. When you go somewhere, make a note of it’s layout especially the exits, not just in and out of a door but on and off of a property. Make an escape plan the second you memorize the layout and carry that plan through over and over again in your mind until it feels like an old habit. Create alternate plans just in case. 

Reach out to your local victims advocates too, let them know what is going on and ask for help. Usually they can help you better determine when unwanted contact starts to turn to criminal contact. 

Ask police (not 911 folks), ask the DA, ask victims advocates. They would much rather help you navigate that legal system than see you harmed in anyway shape or form. And what’s more is that they will tell you upfront whether you have enough to warrant criminal charges at whatever stage you are at. These guys tend to back off, then fuck up fast, short and quick but then back off right before it becomes a crime. 

Establish a pattern of behavior that you can prove.  Say it as many times as you need to, rise above being afraid and start to establish that pattern. 

Each of you control this outcome. Make choices based off of that.   

I cannot stress enough after reading thousands of accounts of my readers who are experiencing this right now, this is not normal behavior. Well adjusted adults as I said might try a few times to make it work but past that, it is not normal. Many of you, like myself are dealing with someone who has something mentally going on but who self medicate. 

Readers, that is akin to dealing with the unpredictable. I’d like to say I have the situation under control, but the truth is, I only have me under control. 

I am doing everything that I can to protect myself and to document every interaction, attempt at contact or situation so as to enable the police when/if the time comes to place this individual under arrest. 

Which makes me, not this guys victim. 

If you feel helpless after reading this shoot me a message here or text me. I will help you navigate or point you in the right direction. 

Remember this, anyone going through this, you are not alone, reach out for help, trust me, it will reach back.

Cristal M Clark

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