Naked Florida Man Attempts to Seduce Railing at McDonald’s

 

Naples, Florida

Cristal M Clark

For most of the lower 50 this would be considered a very unusual and odd story, but as most of you already know, this is not the case for Florida.

62-year-old, John Francis Morgan attempted to strip naked, do a rather unusual dance and make love to the railing at a Naples McDonald’s according to a police report filed by the Collier County Sheriff’s Office.

It seems that John intended to go to the McDonald’s in Naples, where he had been banned prior to this incident, even informed by a uniformed officer not to go back, over an eerily similar incident.

I don’t know maybe the guy has a thing for the railing at McDonald’s we don’t choose who or in this case what we are attracted to, it just tends to happened.

At any rate, despite the previous warning John decided that his deep and passion filled love for the railing was just simply more important that the warning and took it upon himself to go back to the Naples McDonald’s where according to witnesses, John began removing his clothing and did an odd type of dance, no doubt attempting to woe the non-responsive railing and then the passion overtook John and he attempted to make love to the railing.

He was subsequently arrested, and is due in court on July 3rd.

Perhaps, he’ll be out in time for the 4th of July where he and his lover the railing at McDonald’s can finally make some fireworks of their own.

Cristal M Clark

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McDonald’s is introduces “The Frork”

McDonalds-MCD-CrimeShop

McDonald’s – could you sink any lower?

Thankfully, due to personal issues on the home front I delayed publishing this because as many of my Denver readers know, today we had quite the hail storm this afternoon which caused many stores to be closed due to “hail damage.”

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I call a little bs on that because as I drove around I took note of the fact that just about every liquor store and fast food joint happened to be open and fully operational.

Including McDonald’s.

the-frorkis-crimeshop

So McDonald’s has revealed a new product, “The Frork,” and in the ad below it implies that american’s are either too lazy or just to inept to use regular fries one could order to wipe up the spilled goodies from one’s crappie burger from McDonald’s.

Now I am all for ingenious products but this one simply takes the cake and by cake, I mean to say that it is yet another way to contribute to america’s obesity problem, by telling us we need this product that we can also eat, along with our double quarter pounder with cheese, large fries and a diet coke.

What really gets me is that some moron at McDonald’s comes up with this product after McDonald’s has already said that they are experiencing declining sales because of the tastes of millennials and the many, many other american’s who simply no longer wish to pump their bodies full of fat enriched garbage.

So this week’s shout out goes right out to McDonald’s for bringing us another totally useless, diabetic inducing product.

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Here’s to you McDonald’s.

Cristal M Clark

IOS users can find The Crime Shop on Apple News

@thecrimeshop on twitter

And https://gab.ai/thecrimeshop

 

A special shout out to McDonald’s for helping the obesity rate here in America and for telling Americans that they are too inept or too lazy to learn how to catch condiments with just fries.